MY STUGGLE THROUGH GRIEF

I knew the Bible said I could do all things through Christ who strengthened me but I didn't understand it until 1995, when I lost my oldest son, David Paul Touchton, to AIDS.  My husband and I first met this tiny brown haird chamring imp when he was just six years old. The first time we saw him, the social worker was scolding him because he'd jumped into the part fountain. He moved into our house as a foster child on his 7th birthday and we gave him the first birthday party he had ever had.  He had not been to school so we spent that first summer catching him up so he could enter second grade with children his age. To this day, I have never met such an eager and able pupil. He took that eagerness to everything he tried. He became a gifted musician, artist, and actor. He was in all gifted classes throughout school. David had been severally neglated and abused but he accepted our love right away and had a smile for everyone. 

He accepted Christ about a year after he moved in.  For a few years, we had what we and people around us came to believe was the "perfect" child. He was smart, cute, talented, and loving.  Everyone liked him.  The difficulties began when he hit the teen years. Those difficulties included lies, drugs, alcohol, theft, promiscuity, and things that I had never been exposed to before David.  

We desparately tried everything but nothing worked.  I constantly cried out to God, begging God to help David return to Him.  God eventually answered that prayer. His answer was a perfect one but it broke our hearts. 

During his wandering years, David became addicted to the very same drug that was the reason his biological mother gave him away.  He lived on the streets.  He was gay and promiscuous.  He was in and out of jail.  Many tried to help him.  He contracted AIDS and became sick.  At last, he hit bottom and reached for help. 

During the last year of David's life, he returned to God.  He was active in a 12-step program and stayed drug and alcohol free.  He dealt with his abuse. He reestablished ties with us and we had a wonderful year.  I have one special gift from him for every holiday of the year.  He knew it would be his last.  We got to see what a spiritually and emotionally healthy David would be like. It was both wonderful and hard because it made losing him harder.

When he died, I grieved deeply.  I grieved the child he was.  I grieved the man he eventually became.  I grieved the man he was on the way to becoming. 

I went to the scriptures and found a series of scriptures that led me from grief to joy.  About six months after he died, I went into a private season of prayer that lasted for several weeks.  It was during that time that I found these scriptures. 

I now see how God answered my prayer in a perfect way.  David is in heaven.  He is healthy and free.  He doesn't have to struggle with drug cravings or guilt.  He knows perfect love. 

I meet people along my misisonary journeys who are dealing with grief.  God has lifted my grief and restored my joy.  I know it is possible for them as well.  I share the scriptures that helped me find my way.  If you are dealing with grief, I pray that you will turn to the healing scriptures for relief. If you want to talk about it, you can email me.

GOD'S ANSWER: GIVE GRIEF ITS DUE

TAKE YOUR “TURN FOR GRIEF”
Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.  John 16:22

EXPECT DIFFICULT TIMES
Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering.  1 Peter 4:12

TAKE TIME TO GRIEVE
My voice rises to God, and I will cry aloud; My voice rides to God, and He will hear me.  In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord; In the night my hand was stretched out without weariness:  My soul refused to be comforted.  When I remember God, then I am disturbed; When I sigh, then my spirit grows faint.  Thou hast held my eyelids open; I am so troubled that I cannot speak.  I have considered the days of old, The years of long ago.  I will remember my song in it;  I will mediate with my heart; And my spirit ponders. Psalm 77:1-2

TAKE TIME TO CRY
Cry out to the Lord. Joel 1:14

GOD'S ANSWER: FEEL, EXPRESS, AND USE
 THE EMOTIONS OF GRIEF 

TELL GOD YOU ARE ANGRY - HE CAN HANDLE IT
Lord, if you had been here my brother would not have died.  John 11:32

SAY NO TO SELF PITY AND CHOOSE TO REJOICE 
Though the fig tree may not blossom, yet I will rejoice in the Lord.  Habakkuk 3:17-18

SAY NO TO DISCOURAGEMENT AND REAP
And let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary. Galatians 6:9

SAY NO TO RESENTMENT AND GROW SWEET
See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.  Hebrews 12:15

LET DEATH BE PRECIOUS
Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. Psalm 116:15

GOD'S ANSWER: ASK FOR HELP

ASK GOD AND ACCEPT THE ANSWER
My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me.  Matthew 26:39

BE WEAK AND LOOK UP
I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.  Psalm 121:1-2

TELL OTHERS YOU HURT
Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.  Psalm 25:16

LEAN ON OTHERS
Bear one another’s burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

GOD'S ASNWER: LIVE ONE DAY AT A TIME

DO THE WORK OF TODAY
Whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men. Colossians 3:23

FIND THE GOOD
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28

REJOICE IN THE DAY
This is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalms 118:24

FIND OPPORTUNITIES TO DO GOOD
So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all men. Galatians 6:10

TALK ABOUT YOUR DARKEST MOMENTS
What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight.  Matthew 10:27

FULFILL YOUR MINISTRY
Endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.  2 Timothy 4:5

WALK BY FAITH
Walk by faith, not by sight.  2 Corinthians 5:7

SLOW DOWN
Be still and know that I am God.  Psalm 46:10

DO THE WORK OF THE LORD
God has caused me to be fruitful in the land of my affliction.  Genesis 41:52

TAKE REFUGE IN GOD
He is my refuge and my fortress; my God in Him I will trust.  Psalm 91:2

GOD'S ANSWER: 
HELP OTHERS WHO SHARE YOUR PAIN

ACCEPT HOW OTHER’S GRIEVE
But if you bite and devour one another, take care lest you be consumed by one another.  Galatians 5:13

FORGIVE THOSE WHO DISAPPOINT YOU
Father forgive them for they know not what they do.  Luke 23:34

GIVE YOUR DIFFICULT PEOPLE LOVE AND HELP
Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.  Matthew 25:40

TAKE AND GIVE COMFORT
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.  2 Corinthians 1:3-4

LEAD BY WISDOM AND KNOWLEDGE
Give me wisdom and knowledge that I may lead. 2 Chronicles 1:10

GOD'S ANSWER: PRAY

CRY OUT TO GOD
Listen to my prayer, O God, do not ignore my plea;
hear me and answer me.My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught Psalms 55:1-2 

PRAY THE SERENITY PRAYER
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

PRAY FOR ACCEPTANCE
My Father, if this cannot pass away unless I drink it, Thy will be done. Matthew 26:42

PRAY FOR COURAGE
Be strong and do not loose courage, for there is reward for your work.  2 Chronicles 15:7

PRAY FOR WISDOM
For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul; Discretion will guard you.  Proverbs 2:10-11

FIND A PLACE FOR EXTENDED PRAYER TIMES
And it was at this time that He went off to the mountain to pray, and He spent the whole night in prayer to God.  Luke 6:12

LIVE IN A SPIRIT OF PRAYER
Pray without ceasing.  1 Thessalonians 5:17

PRAY FERVENTLY
And being in agony He was Praying very fervently; and His sweat became like drops of blood, falling down upon the ground.  Luke 22:44

GOD'S ANSWER: OVERCOME

BELIEVE GOD WILL HEAL YOU
Lord my God, I called you for help and you healed me! Psalm 30:2

BELIEVE GOD WILL GIVE YOU STRENGTH
I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.  Philippians 4:13

BELIEVE YOU WILL BE VICTORIOUS
But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.  Romans 8:37

BELIEVE GOD’S GLORY WILL BE REVEALED THROUGH YOU
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.  Romans 8:18

BELIEVE IN THE HOPE IN HEAVEN
God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death.  Revelation 21:4